After getting through the fear (and inertia) that kept me from trying to sing with our church worship group, I have been enjoying singing and haven't felt very nervous up there. However, I knew that I would still have a problem with my other nemesis: pride. Even though I'm timid, I'm also vain and proud and like to show off, so now just when I really long to express praise and love, I don't feel it.
I'm also still dealing with the fallout in my spirit and heart from the struggle I described here. Even though I stepped out to obey God in joining the worship team, the enemy has me discouraged and feeling like I can't ever get back to where I should be. I'm hoping that's just a lie, and I can do as David prayed in Psalm 51:
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me away from Your presence,
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners shall be converted to You.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
The God of my salvation,
And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.
This passage is also my prayer: Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
I need to spend time in prayer and have others pray for me about this too.
2 comments:
I have two ideas about this that have helped me. One is to be consciously very gentle with yourself, as you would be if your toddler needed correction. When your mistakes loom large in your heart, rebuke the devil by GENTLY re-focusing your mind on Jesus' love. Do this every five minutes if necessary! The devil can and does use our feelings of guilt to make us quit trying.
The other idea is from my daughter's confirmation teacher. In prayer, take time to "be sorry, surrender, and LET JESUS JUST HOLD YOU."
Don't know if this is a help, but you are pretty darn hard on yourself.
Thank you Christine. I do need to change my way of thinking and keep remembering that Jesus loves me and died for me. Also that He lives for me and stands at the right hand of the Father as my advocate. We sang about that on Sunday, and I posted the song just now. It's just taking some time to sink in :)
I will try your suggestions, and add to them the constant remembrance of Him being my loving advocate against the enemy. I need to spend time in His presence, loving and being loved. I forget that too often.
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