Saturday, September 02, 2017


Dark velvet cool air whispers my skin
Cricket chirp and katydid, ebb and flow in counterpoint, gently vibrating my eardrums
Supine, I view moving billows lit by climbing hidden moon
Black lace tracery, flung from lithe swaying columns, frames my circle world
Scattered pinpricks tangle and wink in the blue between
Fireflies blink slow in the periphery and are gone, as my eye turns
Sudden, I am sailing with the trees, passing beneath a fixed roof of cloud
Tree-lace and lawn-boat tilt and we're tipping, sliding off the world
Into stars
I close my eyes, hold on, then know: nothing saves me but letting go
Up to the dark that frames the light, down to the earth that hurts, but stops my fall
I'm alive and not afraid, there's joy instead!

Painting: Georgia O'Keeffe, The Lawrence Tree

Monday, May 01, 2017

Danny Gokey - RISE

I love the song already, but after seeing this music video, I claim Rise as my new theme song. I was stuck for so long in a destructive marriage in which my husband psychologically manipulated and devalued me in subtle ways. Psychological and emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, while being much harder to recognize and explain to others in order to get help. This video gives me hope, saying my Father wants to restore my glory and let me shine. I want to be a light of hope to others that may be in similar situations. And I hope to someday meet a godly man that understands how to value a woman and lift her up instead of putting her down and crushing her spirit.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Let it Go: A movie song begins to heal my broken heart

Over three years ago I sat with my family, my husband and 5 daughters, in the theater and wept through this song as we watched the movie Frozen. The song so perfectly expressed what my heart longed for. My soul had been bound up for so long. I had forgotten who I was. I hadn't expressed myself in art or song for years. I had allowed someone else to define and devalue me, and I didn't know I should do something about it. I had allowed a constant, subtle atmosphere of hostility from the partner (who should have been my best friend) to eat away at my soul for so long that it had become normal. The song, Let it Go, broke the ice in my heart and showed me that I had been trapped and longed for freedom. I began to do what I was meant to do again. And I realized I was valuable, and shouldn't accept bad treatment. I fought against it. I wasn't perfect in how I responded, but that's okay. Life is messy. I insisted that we get help, but it's impossible to make another person see what they don't want to see. Like Elsa, I ran. Then, my 'prince' showed his true colors and immediately discarded me, instead of pursuing me. Pretty much like little sister Anna's prince in the movie. Well, time will tell how the story goes on. For the first time in a long time, I have hope of a good life and a happy ending. Because another thing I'm learning is that I don't have to be perfect to be loved ("that perfect girl is gone!"). There will be someone that will love me for who I am, whether or not I do everything right or agree with everything he says. A person that is capable of loving a real person. I already have many friends that love me in spite of my imperfections, for which I am so grateful.

"And one thought crystalizes like an icy blast: I'm never going back! The past is in the past!"