Struggles

After getting through the fear (and inertia) that kept me from trying to sing with our church worship group, I have been enjoying singing and haven't felt very nervous up there. However, I knew that I would still have a problem with my other nemesis: pride. Even though I'm timid, I'm also vain and proud and like to show off, so now just when I really long to express praise and love, I don't feel it.

I'm also still dealing with the fallout in my spirit and heart from the struggle I described here. Even though I stepped out to obey God in joining the worship team, the enemy has me discouraged and feeling like I can't ever get back to where I should be. I'm hoping that's just a lie, and I can do as David prayed in Psalm 51:
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me away from Your presence,
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners shall be converted to You.

14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
The God of my salvation,
And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.

This passage is also my prayer: Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

I need to spend time in prayer and have others pray for me about this too.

Jennie, get a life

I'm sure ya'll have noticed I haven't been posting much lately. Here I explain one little part of why I've been absent. Don't know if I want to share this; it makes me feel vulnerable and ridiculous. I haven't shared it yet with the ladies' prayer group. Maybe I should, but I would feel like I needed a bag over my head; well, here goes. The Lord has been gently leading me, the timid and self-conscious one, toward being able to sing in our church services. He's been giving me the desire to show love to the body of Christ by singing. Singing brings healing, and praise brings the presence of God. I've always loved to sing, and I sang in youth chorus and in church choir when I was younger. I've always loved to listen to beautiful voices. When I was a child, I listened to Julie Andrews on my Mom's 'Sound of Music' soundtrack record, and as a young teen I listened to Luciano Pavaratti and Placido Domingo records. I love to listen to Andrea Bocelli, Josh Groban, Sarah Brightman, Celine Dion, and others, from time to time.

I don't have a voice like that, but I have a nice voice, and the Lord has been showing me that it is to be used for Him. Two things have kept me from it. One is fear, but love for Him and for his people was casting that out. The second thing is a danger for all artistic people. Sensuality. King David was an artist, who loved beauty and was sensitive to the beauty of God. He also got distracted by the beauty of a woman because he was not where he should have been.

Since I've gotten interested in music again after being busy with other things for a long time, I have been listening to music on youtube alot: Contemporary Christian, and some classical singing, and celtic singing, etc.. I can't remember how I started listening to (and watching, since youtube is visual) some of the music I used to like in my college days. The difference is, in college I didn't watch the music, I just listened. I never watched MTV or music videos when I was young. I have always liked a few of Journey's love songs, but never knew much about the group and never saw photos or videos of them.

Here's where the big distraction came in. Not sensing the danger at first, I kept watching Steve Perry sing on youtube. He has an absolutely beautiful voice, which snagged me from the first. So I listened to the big voice instead of the still, small one. Not good. The problem was that the man looks as good as he sounds, and being human, and loving beauty, I pretty much got bowled over (Take my word for it, and DON'T go check it out). Didn't think it was possible; and didn't listen to the Lord; and here I was, almost not caring about what is really important any more.

Spring fever plays a part in my mood. Every year when spring comes there's a few days where I feel like I'm going to fly in pieces; took me this long to realize it's hormones. It must have been spring when King David was walking on that roof when he should have been at war. I obviously forgot to 'put on the armor of God', and that Christ said to 'Abide in Me'. I said before that I almost didn't care what is really important, but I do care, by the Lord's grace and mercy, so these passages are my prayer, especially this: Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners shall be converted to You.

14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
The God of my salvation,
And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.

1 John 1:1 My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. 2 And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world.

3 Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. 4 He who says, “I know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. 5 But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. 6 He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.

1 John 2:15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. 17 And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.

Psalm 51

1 Have mercy upon me, O God,
According to Your lovingkindness;
According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,
Blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
And cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I acknowledge my transgressions,
And my sin is always before me.
4 Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight—
That You may be found just when You speak,
And blameless when You judge.

5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me.
6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,
And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.

7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me hear joy and gladness,
That the bones You have broken may rejoice.
9 Hide Your face from my sins,
And blot out all my iniquities.

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me away from Your presence,
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners shall be converted to You.

14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
The God of my salvation,
And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.
16 For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;
You do not delight in burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise.

18 Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion;
Build the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then You shall be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness,
With burnt offering and whole burnt offering;
Then they shall offer bulls on Your altar.

Lord, please lead me back in the way You want me to go, and help me to always care about what You care about (And You already know, I've deleted the Steve Perry videos from my favorites on youtube). BY THE TIME ANYONE READS THIS, I WILL HAVE SHARED THIS WITH MY HUSBAND, WHO, SINCE I WAS SITTING ON THE COUCH NEXT TO HIM MANY TIMES WHILE WATCHING YOUTUBE, PROBABLY WAS NOT UNSUSPECTING. (Yes, I am an idiot sometimes. Ya'll pray for me.) Also, Lord, please help me to be obedient by Your grace and do the things You have called me to do rather than shrinking back in fear or getting distracted by the idols of this world. Amen.
NOTE: You're probably thinking "Jennie, get a life!" Admit it, you are. Well, my husband took me on a 4 day cruise to the Bahamas last week, so I'm feeling a whole lot better now. :)
UPDATE: I received the courage to tell our worship leader that I've been praying about joining the worship team and/or singing solos, and he said I could join them for practice and that they'd be glad to have another female voice. I'm rather scared, but I feel better to have done what the Lord is directing. Maybe it will help keep me off of youtube ;)

Love in the Bible: Bob Burridge

Bob Burridge of Genevan Institute for Reformed Studies has a new blog post up called 'Love in the Bible' that is very helpful. I've been learning about love and God's grace lately and have been praying for God to help me to show love to others, and to love Him more and show this in an obedient life. Jesus said that all the commandments of God are summed up in two commands: to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself. The Christian, as Pastor Burridge brings out, is equipped to obey these commands by God, but must learn to obey by God's grace in every area of our lives. As 1 Corinthians 13 teaches, love must pervade all our interactions, or all we do is worthless. God's plan from before the beginning of time, as revealed in Scripture, is for His people to be a people of love and glorify Him.

On Disciples and Believers: Part 1: Drunken Mystic

Britt Mooney has a new post up called 'On Disciples and Believers Part 1' that is very good. He writes about how modern Christianity propagates a false teaching that one can be a believer without being a disciple: one can 'just believe' without living the faith.

"Just-Friend"-ing Jesus: Drunken Mystic

Here is a blog post called "Just-Friend"-ing Jesus, on Britt Mooney's blog, Drunken Mystic.

The Word, the Spirit, and the Body Spread the Gospel and Make the Body One

There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all. Ephesians 4:4-6


1 Thessalonians 1:2-10

2 We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers, 3 remembering without ceasing your work of faith, labor of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ in the sight of our God and Father, 4 knowing, beloved brethren, your election by God. 5 For our gospel did not come to you in word only, but also in power, and in the Holy Spirit and in much assurance, as you know what kind of men we were among you for your sake.
6 And you became followers of us and of the Lord, having received the word in much affliction, with joy of the Holy Spirit, 7 so that you became examples to all in Macedonia and Achaia who believe. 8 For from you the word of the Lord has sounded forth, not only in Macedonia and Achaia, but also in every place. Your faith toward God has gone out, so that we do not need to say anything. 9 For they themselves declare concerning us what manner of entry we had to you, and how you turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God, 10 and to wait for His Son from heaven, whom He raised from the dead, even Jesus who delivers us from the wrath to come.

The Body of Christ is One in Love

“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.
“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. John 15:9-14

Ephesians 4

1 I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, 2 with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, 3 endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.

7 But to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ’s gift. 8 Therefore He says:


“ When He ascended on high,
He led captivity captive,
And gave gifts to men.”

9 (Now this, “He ascended”—what does it mean but that He also first descended into the lower parts of the earth? 10 He who descended is also the One who ascended far above all the heavens, that He might fill all things.)
11 And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, 12 for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, 13 till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; 14 that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, 15 but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— 16 from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

Why You Have to Listen to the Spirit: Britt Mooney

'Why You Have to Listen to the Spirit', on Britt Mooney's blog, Drunken Mystic

This is My Commandment, That You Love One Another

“Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. Matthew 7:24-25

John 15

1 “I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.
5 “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. 7 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. 8 By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.

9 “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. 10 If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.
11 “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. 12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. 17 These things I command you, that you love one another.

18 “If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. 20 Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. 21 But all these things they will do to you for My name’s sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me. 22 If I had not come and spoken to them, they would have no sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. 23 He who hates Me hates My Father also. 24 If I had not done among them the works which no one else did, they would have no sin; but now they have seen and also hated both Me and My Father. 25 But this happened that the word might be fulfilled which is written in their law, ‘They hated Me without a cause.’

26 “But when the Helper comes, whom I shall send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father, He will testify of Me. 27 And you also will bear witness, because you have been with Me from the beginning.

If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love

Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place—unless you repent.
Revelation 2:4-5


Matthew 7

24 “Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: 25 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock.
26 “But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: 27 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.”
28 And so it was, when Jesus had ended these sayings, that the people were astonished at His teaching, 29 for He taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes.

Without Love I Am Nothing

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3

Revelation 2:1-7

1 “To the angel of the church of Ephesus write,
‘These things says He who holds the seven stars in His right hand, who walks in the midst of the seven golden lampstands: 2 “I know your works, your labor, your patience, and that you cannot bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars; 3 and you have persevered and have patience, and have labored for My name’s sake and have not become weary. 4 Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. 5 Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place—unless you repent. 6 But this you have, that you hate the deeds of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.
7 “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God.”’